Drunkenness Leads To Krayzie-Ness

I got myself lost in my world when they started playing the Brown Eyes song at the beginning of the wedding night.

Remember the first day when I saw your face
Remember the first day when you smiled at me
You stepped to me and then you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about

Lost my appetite and had myself focused on the wedding video instead of enjoying the costly food. Sort of like watching a true Cinderella Love Story - Vincent the Prince Charming found Pauline the Princess - all perfect.

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious

Again, it was a mixed feeling. I was indeed glad for them as the both of them are my closed ones. Unhappiness felt too, especially when thinking of lost love.

Remember the first day you fell in love with me? It felt so good for you to say those words cause I felt the same way too.

Watching the video closely, I tried to picture myself on my wedding day. And I wondered who would be my groom. I tried ignoring all negative feelings because wedding day is not the right time to be sad but instead we are to be happy and merry.

The red wine was my bestfriend that night - it was my first time taking in red wine and I gulped greedily. Too bad I didn't get the chance to drink X.O and Hennessy. Blame this to Thomson, sitting beside me, he controlled me and acted like a Tai Kor.

Later that night, something I least wished for happened. It was all embarrassing and uncool - just because one man was drunk. To save his good name, I'll not reveal it here. Just my apology to Krayzie D and gang.

They say drunkenness leads to foolishness - This time they are right.

You Can’t Have Both

He asked me to stay knowing I planned to leave him. Can’t you understand, why I distant myself from you?

This is so hard. And I know when I shut myself up from him. I know our relationship will grow cold. Because just like flowers, all relationships need some watering to blossom.

But as much as I really like him to be my special someone. I can’t bring this further. It’s really hurting me deep.

You can’t have both, Hodey. I don’t want to be the bad girl in the scene. Yes, clearly you love her. Seeing how you kissed her proved it all. I was there trying to hide the jealousy and sorrow when nobody really understood. There, I realized where I really stand.

It’s falling apart... though I know it can be saved with my little steps, I’m letting you go. I’ll try to mention your name less and less. I’m gonna forget you. We shall act as though we’ve never met. Let’s cut it.

Cozy & Comfortable

That dress left me feeling uncomfortable actually. But something happened on that wedding that turned it all. You were all nice, you came to me and we did our thing! That few seconds, you made me feel so comfortable and cozy. At that point of time, you erased all my sorrows and sadness. Wished for it to last at least a little longer. I loved it and oh, I was so greedy for your love! I long for that to happen over and over again.

But let’s believe that everything does happen for a reason. Those few cherished moment lasted for awhile - and because it’s rare, I treasure it the most.

A little too much may make someone become less appreciative. Also, may lead us to taking things for granted. Now I’m contented. Thanks for giving me that special moment - the moment I felt secure, secure in you...

Wonder Why God Gives Us Two?

Tomorrow it will be Vincent & Pauline's big special day - the day when the two are united as one.

Ever wonder why God gives us two?
A right hand to show the left what to do.
One ear to listen and one to hear
the problems of others,
their laughter and fears.
One eye to watch and one to behold
the beautiful treasures
that life has to hold.
One foot to travel and one to stand tall.
Two feet to land on if we should fall.
One man to stand by a woman's side;
One woman to cherish being his bride.
The love between partners
comes shining through
and that is the reason
God has made two.

By the way, I'm assigned to be the Chief Usher.

My tasks for the day will be:

Walk with Mummy and bring her to the VIP front seat.

Plus ask YOU to sign on this guestbook. :)

To those who are not coming, you may leave down your adorable, sincere signatures and regards to the both of them, right here, yes, virtually! ;)

P/S: Will update and post wedding photos for sure, possibly in my next post. Till then.

xoxo

JustJasmine,

The Chief Usher

Don't Give Away This Love

I felt bad to know that I tore your heart when I didn’t take care of myself. And I told Thomson, LC, and few other people about it, and they all gave me quite the same replies, "Don’t worry your Daddy will forgive you." 

Yeah I know, he is a gracious type of man - easily forgives people. That is why, bestfriend Isaac said, "Your Daddy has no enemies." 

 I caused him hurt, this thing bothers me much. Because talk is cheap, I don’t want to be the person acknowledging my faults and being apologetic yet being the same one repeating my mistake over and over again.

But I’m really sorry. Few things happened, and I now realized who cares and who just don’t. It hurts Daddy when I’m hurting. Understanding that, it hurts me more to know I’m the one who tears Daddy’s heart. I hurt him who loves me so much.

That night, I can't sleep, on my bed, I sat and thought. It’s time to stop looking and to stop wandering any longer. It’s time for me to look at the love we shared.

Throughout our Daddy-Daughter journey, you have showered me with love, knowledge and discipline. Sometimes, you make me feel a little bit pampered like a princess, something I never felt before - It’s nice, not too much, not too less, just right. For my birthday this year, you have me tasted the security of being loved - with your precious thoughts and poems.

 How to find a Daddy like this? It’s obvious that you love me.

I hope it’s obvious that I love you too, Daddy.

Old Love Vs Young Love

Lilian worked overtime today. So I headed myself to KFC straight after college, and kept myself occupied there from 6pm to 9pm. Alone on my table, I just watched my surroundings while eating there.

Interestingly, something caught my attention, so I seized and captured the moment!

How to find a love like this?

Feel like going to someone's arms but I am aware that I am just too dirty now. A while ago, LC told me that if I'm lonely he'll hug me and be my company. Sounds a little sweet, but to trust or not to trust? - Maybe he was just kidding. I don't know whether to take what he said personally or otherwise. Since the day SG went away, I'm not fully ready to open my doors to any young guys anymore.

Young lovers scare me nowadays...

Quitting It

God seems so far away and is no longer in my Dictionary anymore. I'm tired of everything, so tired. Sick of hearing "Hallelujahs". I'm sorry, I'm quitting it all. Thanks for being there for me, but waste no more time on me.

Seeing You, It Kills Me Now

I have revealed that Pauline, my sister is getting married. I have kinda dealt with the matter that she's leaving me for the better, that is to start a new life. But now come another part, it's gonna be another celebration of love - a wedding. 

Sad to say, I'll be again reminded of the day someone went away, the day Hodey left me for someone else, in a wedding. Since that day, I have developed a wedding phobia.

So now, it's Pauline & Vincent's wedding. Like expected, they are going to invite family members, relatives, friends plus people they know - and those they know, I know too. Here just have to admit, I'm actually not ready to see the faces of few people they have invited. Yeap, people that I hate are gonna be there as well. For some reasons, I just H.A.T.E them. I'm not being unreasonable here, but the reasons are really private.

Mr Submit once told me that if we don't love our neighbours, Hell is the place for us, simply because Heaven is a place where everyone's happy happy together together and loves others unconditionally. Although I'm now no pious, I'm aware that there's truth in what he said. Yet, I know in this I fail miserably. Still not yet cleansed, there's deep bitterness within. We know, a place named Heaven is not suitable for me.

I told myself today that I'd rather be in Hell rather than meet those hypocrites in that wedding. But there's no other option other than attending Pauline's wedding. You see, she's my sister and somemore the first one to get married. No matter how much I dislike seeing those unwanted faces, I must be there to see the beautiful bride's face. 

For the sake of giving face to Pauline, I'll be there. Let's just hope that I won't come back with a report similar to this.

Finally Getting M.A.R.R.I.E.D!

Back when Jasmine's Secret Place was still a private blog, I wrote this for her, when I first heard from someone that she's getting married and I believed it.

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I know that I’m not supposed to feel this way. But to me this is really a bad news though it’s actually meant to be good news. I don’t want to lose her. Why does history need to repeat itself? I really don’t want to lose her. Diary please help. Please, don’t take her away from me. I can feel as if something is missing, I can feel the loss even right now. Help, please help.

I really don’t know why I’m having this fear. Fear of losing her. This thing is beyond my control for it is based on someone’s free-will. I wish I could change the way things work.

I wasn’t so close to her but I don’t know why now when she’s going to start a new life I feel a great loss. I don’t know how to face this. I’m even clueless how to stop this from happening. Dear Diary, should I be happy for her? What should I feel? What is the right kind of reaction?

Can this be stopped? Am I being too selfish? I don’t know how to tell her about how I feel. Everyone would thing I’m a psycho if I tell them. Dear Diary, help me, help me. 

I feel so sorrowful. Do not wish to be separated. Help, help, and don’t take her away from me. Help, help! Although I know that she willingly made that decision.

 Help me, help me! I feel like crying. Since I heard the news, my mind has started to develop crazy kind of thoughts. All these are driving me insane.

 Was so overwhelmed. Therefore I decided to share with someone. I decided to talk to my colleague. After a conversation with her today, I realized I’m not alone. Neither am I a crazy person for thinking and feeling that way. It’s just a normal reaction for most of us human. But what I need to do now is to think positively and try to accept the things that I cannot change.

 Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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The plan later turned out tak jadi due to some reasons which I can't reveal here. It was a little bit funny but that thing made me realized that actually she is somehow important and precious to me.

9 months later, I got a confirmation from her, myself. And this time it is real. Pauline, my sister is really getting married, this time for real, no kidding. It's final decision. To be exact, they are going to declare their love vow on the 25th of October 2008.

Now I'm a little maturer and I'm not gonna be upset, instead be super duper glad for the both of them: 

Congratulations to Vincent & Pauline! 

Let's wish the both of them a life of marital bliss, shall we?

 

I'm Gonna Remember You, You're Gonna Remember Me

Indulging in the memories when Daddy was away to Cameron Highlands. It was quite a long trip, and it resulted in me missing him. He came back and I was soon relieved. And I felt prettier to know he got something for me during his trip there. :)

 He captured this specially for me - simply priceless and more valuable than any souvenirs. And I knew for sure I was remembered.

You treat me like a rose 
You give me room to grow
 You shone the light of love on me 
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth 
Just like a rose

I wish I could tell him how much I love him and miss him. 

It's time to prove a little something - I remember you too Daddy.

 I got this from TTDI Ramadhan Bazaar -  just for you! :)

Though you're far away, you're near and dear to my heart Daddy. 

Sincerely from your Daughter,