So I Look To You

I know You love me

I know You died for me

I know You care

I know You care

I know You live again

Your life for all my sin

Now I stand here in

In Your grace again

As I look into the sky above

Wonder how my life has changed

Wonder how Your love, it came to me

As I look into the sky above

All my fears, so far away

All I hear is heaven calling me

So I look to You
So I look to You
No one else will do
No one else will do

Dearly Loved?

Do I truly have a place to belong? Diary, I've been dreaming loads. But I think I realized now that all those dreams are merely my own imaginations.

Am I really loved dearly in spite of who I am?

Just Because I Have Grown

Everything's changed just because I have grown up.

He dares not touch me.

He dares not say "I love you" to me.

Perhaps this is to avoid misunderstandings.

I miss his love.

“I have a woman's body and a child's emotions.”

~Elizabeth Taylor

You'll Never Let Me Go

I feel unwanted. I wonder. If I continue behaving this way maybe one day he'll get fed up and leave me. Of course, I don't like to be left.

I hope this is true. You'll never let me go, through it all. I hope I can trust you. But I realized something, I don't deserve to demand anything from you.

Diary I'm sorry. For being this way. I'm unhappy with my life. I don't really know how to describe it. It's quite empty. I hope I can be used once again.

Only Return

I now know that I just have to be extra careful. There are times when I get too excited and I feel like hugging him. Hmmph, I need to learn to avoid hugs.

As times pass by, I realized his "I love you"s become lesser. Perhaps I should cut down on that too. It seems as though he dares not declare his love for me. And I stupidly say "I love you" many times and that makes me appear more and more like a slut or bitch.

Yup, sad to say. But even few of my family members think so about me. So sad but true.

It's never my intention to look so needy.

Jasmine needs to remind herself:

No more "I love you's"

No more "Hugs"

You are only permitted to return.

Confused Again

Constantly confused. I don't know. To let go. Is it a right thing? How to go to him for advice when he's actually the one I'm referring. :-/

Say It Again

Somewhere within there's a longing to be loved. To hear those sweet words. But knowing I'm not apart of anyone. I know that I can't expect to hear them. Maybe hearing them once or twice, I should already learn to consider myself lucky.

Would you let me hear those words again?

I'm so undeserving. I need to wake up.

The Burden I Carry Alone

I really hope I'll finally find the one for me.

It's kinda difficult to talk to anyone what I feel because they won't really understand.

All they do is normally give me a piece of advice which I don't really want to hear.

Actually all I want is someone to be there for me and understand what I'm going through.

But I know people are busy with their lives and it is best for me not to burden them.

Hoping

Oh my gosh. Got to admit something. Sometimes I do hope I have a special place in someone's heart. A place to belong. Someone who is there for me. Someone who loves me. Puts a smile on my face when I cry. Oh my gosh.

I do wish I have a hope. Having a hope is good.

But hoping in something unseen is quite hard.

But I personally believe that it's the best.

Note to self: Jasmine, learn to wait.

Save Me From The Nothing I've Become

Sometimes I just feel like crying. Man, you have to know.

I'm just a girl and I do have feelings.

Sometimes I pretend to be tough. But inside, I know how needy I am.

Gosh, I hope you're not disappointed when you see me.

I feel like screaming for help. Save me from the nothing I've become!

Indecisive

Should I really let go? What would it be like then?

Get A Life, Jasmine!

I think I can't really go on with this. I need to get a life.

He Chose Her Over Me

While lying on my bed, this thought was in my mind:

He chose her over me.

Been Bitter From The Sweet

Crying all day but there's none who hears.

I'm sick. And I'm just too tired.

From sweet, I have turned bitter.

Yes Or No?

Dear Diary,

I'm kinda struggling here.

Stucked in the middle. Don't know whether to let go or not.

Both decisions would hurt someone.

Should I continue with this relationship?

Short & Simple, Yet He Made Me Smile

My first time using Facebook Pop-Up Chat.

And I chatted with My Daddy.

4:19amJasmine
Hehehhehe caught Daddy online at 4 am!

4:20amAlbert
what are you doing up so late
Daddy is going to Cameron in a few hours time
heh heh

4:25amJasmine
More active at night comparing to daytime. Have a safe journey Daddy.

4:26amAlbert
Same here - night owl
ok
got to sleep now
love u much
take care
my good daugther
praying for Daddy's Angel

4:27amJasmine
Thanks.
Love Daddy too.

4:27amAlbert
heh heh

4:29amJasmine
*Good Daughter hugs Good Daddy and says "Good Night'*

4:29amAlbert
Good night my dear

4:29amJasmine
Good night dearest Daddy! :D

4:30amAlbert
night night Angel

4:30amJasmine
night night Sifu

4:30amAlbert
sweet dream

4:31amJasmine
:D sure. Sweet dream to Daddy too :D

4:32amAlbert
heh heh

Short and simple, yet Daddy made me smile so much.

Perhaps this is just because...

He holds a special place in my heart... :)

Like We Never Loved At All

You never looked so good as you did last night, underneath the city lights, there walking with your friend, laughing at the moon. I swear you looked right through me. But I’m still living with your goodbye, and you’re just going on with your life.

How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye? Don’t you have the slightest feelings left for me? Maybe that’s just your way of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall like we never loved at all.

You, I hear you’re doing fine. Seems like you’re doing well as far as I can tell. Time is leaving us behind, (time – leaving us behind) another week has passed and still I haven’t laughed yet. So tell me, what your secret is (I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know) to letting go, letting go like you did, like you did.

Did you forget the magic? Did you forget the passion? Oh, and did you ever miss me, and long to kiss me? Oh baby, baby.

Maybe that’s just your way of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall like we never loved at all.

I'm Needy

Sitting here. I hope there is someone who sees. Someone who knows what I feel.

Wondering whether would I be loved again one day. Perhaps I'm not lovable.

Please hear my cry. As this is a private blog, nobody actually hears me. If you don't hear me, there's no one else who is gonna do that.

Insecurities Felt

Filled with insecurities again. But there is no use feeling this way. Sadness unheard. Tears unseen. Sorry for feeling unreasonable.

Perhaps I have to go. And never disturb them again. I do not want to be involved again.

Happy Father's Day, My Daddy Albert!!!

To her the name of Daddy was another name for love.
It is not flesh and blood but the heart, which makes us Daddy and Daughter.
My Daddy is a saint. I'm not. ;)

"Father, whom I murdered every night but one, That one, when your death murdered me." - Howard Moss

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his Daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself." - John Gregory Brown

Happy Father's Day, Daddy Albert! You are the best!

Daddy Forever. I Don't Want To Lose You.

I'm always running here and there.

If ever I feel I'm not wanted anywhere.

There's one thing I should know.

I've got a place to go.

Daddy, just wanna let you know that I really appreciate having you as my Daddy.

Thanks for being my Daddy and accepting me to be your daughter.

You are precious to me.

Hope you'll be my Daddy forever, this is my wish.

Sometimes I'm afraid of losing you, Daddy.

I really don't want to lose you, Daddy.

You're so precious to me.

Love you very much, My Daddy.

Fantasy

I dreamt. It was a very endearing dream. In that dream, I was being so close to him. That was so nice! And he sayang me a lot. And when I realized it was merely a dream, I tried to continue dreaming. Wished the moment won't stop. It was a precious moment indeed. If it happened really, it would be my most precious moment on earth.

If only it happened in reality...

Would that really happen one day?