Sad Case

Feeling quite tired today. I have decided not to think too much of him.

Anyway, Diary I would like to share with you what I have been feeling these few days.

These few days, I have been feeling sad, disappointed, devastated, and ...

I think I don't need to continue any further...

The man I have put my hope in has let me down. It's hurting within. But he doesn't care at all. I even feel disowned too. He doesn't want me anymore. Perhaps it was because I misbehaved.

Diary, I didn't meant to be that way. Guess, I'm just not qualified to be his.

It is really saddening. I feel so alone. Without anybody. I feel like crying. I'm hoping that I can lean on someone's shoulder. But Diary, I can't find any. I feel really alone. It's kinda difficult to find someone whom I can talk to.

Seeking To Be Understood

How I wish you would understand all these. All these pain.
But you have your own world too. You are just human.
Sometimes, you would need your own space too.

Grant Me The Serenity

I know that I’m not supposed to feel this way. But to me this is really a bad news though it’s actually meant to be good news. I don’t want to lose her. Why does history need to repeat itself? I really don’t want to lose her. God please help. Please, don’t take her away from me. I can feel as if something is missing, I can feel the loss even right now. Help, please help.

I really don’t know why I’m having this fear. Fear of losing her. This thing is beyond my control for it is based on someone’s free-will. I wish I could change the way things work.

I wasn’t so close to her but I don’t know why now when she’s going to start a new life I feel a great loss. I don’t know how to face this. I’m even clueless how to stop this from happening. Dear God, should I be happy for her? What should I feel? What is the right kind of reaction?

Can this be stopped? Am I being too selfish? I don’t know how to tell her about how I feel. Everyone would thing I’m a psycho if I tell them. Dear Almighty, help me, help me.

I feel so sorrowful. Do not wish to be separated. Help, help, and don’t take her away from me. Help, help! Although I know that she willingly made that decision.

Help me, help me! I feel like crying. Since I heard the news, my mind has started to develop crazy kind of thoughts. All these are driving me insane.

Was so overwhelmed. Therefore I decided to share with someone. I decided to talk to my colleague. After a talk with my colleague today, I realized I’m not alone. Neither am I a crazy person for thinking and feeling that way. It’s just a normal reaction for most of us human. But what I need to do now is to think positively and try to accept the things that I cannot change.

Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Somebody Hear Me Out

Where do I need to write to let you see.
How loud do I need to scream in order for you to hear?

Bear With Me

Dear Diary,
I feel so worn out now. I do not know where I am right now. I need your help to go with me through this life. I may not know much about you. And don’t even talk to you often. I may fail you many times. You may feel upset with my behaviours. Please don’t feel disappointed with me because at times I myself feel disappointed with myself. I may be slow. Not so fast in growing. Please be patient with me. For now, just stand by me.

Please bear with me.

I’m plain me, just me.

A Glimpse Of God's Love

I am absolutely thankful to those who lend me shoulders to lean whenever I’m down. And those loving and caring people who loves and cares for me. Those that cry with me, hug me, encourage me, guide and lead me with the love of God throughout my journey of life.

I can see a glimpse of GOD’s love through you. I’m indeed blessed. You are my blessing when you do that. I need both GOD and people like you in my life. I really appreciate people like you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

22-12-2006

Who Can Fathom The Depths Of His Love

I am always the unfaithful one and He is always the faithful one.
I have always forsaken Him but He is always there for me.
Relationship with people on earth has helped me to understand God’s feeling better.
Thank God for always wooing me.

I know it hurts Him when I do not return His love.
It is similar to this: You love someone so deeply but that special someone does not have any special feeling for you.
It is painful for Him but He is always faithful still, to love me no matter what.
His love is an unconditional love.
He loves me in spite of who I am.

He showed this when He suffered on the cross FOR ME when I was STILL A SINNER so that I may have a brand new life.
I do not deserve his favour.
I’m a sinner saved by grace,undeserved favour.
I do not know whether JESUS is handsome or not.
I’m not attracted to Jesus because He is handsome.
But I’m captured by his LOVE, HIS MARVELOUS LOVE.

I love him because HE FIRST LOVED ME.
His love is so marvelous.
I don’t know many things but I know this: JESUS LOVES me very much.
Honestly, I do not really know the depth of his love but one more thing I know is this:
His love is so very deep.
When people say, "Jasmine has lost her value",
I am glad that I am still valuable in His eyes.
When someone says, "You are hopeless!"
I am glad that I have a hope and He is my hope, my source of hope!

I know He is always there beside me and will never leave me nor forsake me.
I love to cry to Him because I know that He listens to my cry.
Whenever I cry, something special would surely happen. The way He responds when I cry to Him is different from the way He responds when I talk to Him.
He really responds to my cry and I know the tears are not wasted tears at all.
I have experienced that in my life.

Crying to God sometimes seems weird, because He’s invisible, I can’t see Him!
Still, I know He exists and He does not merely exist, He is alive! He is a living GOD!
I have seen miracles happened right in front of my eyes when JESUS’ name is used.
I have tasted Him and I have seen how he works in my life. I’m not merely talking. I have experienced that.

God really knows what happens in my life and He knows every single thing about me.
He really listens to my cry and He knows my thoughts, my secret thoughts too.
I am still not sure whether always crying to Him is an immature act or not.

Perhaps I need to be tougher, yes I need to be tougher, I really need to be tougher. Not to be easily hurt.
However, one thing I know is that when I really cannot stand anymore, I know I can turn to Him.
When I am hurt, I can bring all my pain to Jesus.

22-12-2006

Smile, I Will Smile For You

I will smile, will smile because of someone that is SO PRECIOUS to me.
Going to forget every sad things and concentrate on good things. I’ll think of HIM. I choose to think of him. He makes me smile most of the time. I remember whatever he says to me. Those words are SO LOVELY, SO WONDERFUL AND SO SWEET!
Smile! I will smile! I will smile for you! For you I will…

12-12-2006

He Makes My World A Better Place

I’m super glad because of this person.
He’s someone that will turn my sadness into happiness. SO NICE when I think of him! And I feel like I’m the HAPPIEST person when I think of him. The feeling is so WONDERFUL and GREAT, and WOW! It’s SO NICE to think of him!
He’s MY INSPIRATION, someone that will drive me to be a better person! And I just LOVE to listen to him, and I’ll obey whatever he says BECAUSE I LOVE HIM and he has a SPECIAL PLACE in my heart! When I hear his name mentioned, OOOH I’m feeling great within! I LOVE to hear his name!

And when I’m in my bad mood, thinking of him will TURN MY BAD MOOD INTO A GOOD ONE!. He’s just SO, SO NICE! It’s SO NICE to think of this person. And he’s A PIECE OF HEAVEN to me.

When I’m so tensed up with people around me, I’ll THINK OF HIM. Honestly, thinking of him does turn me into a happier person. Yesterday, everything seemed wrong, didn’t know what happened to me. Something wrongs somewhere. And just don’t feel right. I was burdened with so many things. But later, I became happier when I thought of him. I’m of course still thinking of him as I’m typing this. Thinking of other things will make me more depressed but THINKING OF HIM WILL MAKE ME MORE CHEERFUL. I love whatever he tells me. I love whatever he says. And to me he’s the NICEST PERSON ON EARTH! EVERYTHING HE DOES IS BEAUTIFUL!

I just can’t bear any longer thinking of other people who constantly make my life on earth like hell. And thinking of him is one of the solutions to make me happy. He’s SO DIFFERENT from any men on earth. HE’S SO UNIQUE! He’s SO WONDERFUL! He’s SO LOVELY TO THINK OF. HE’S SO SPECIAL. He’s special to Jasmine Yap. He’s SO DEAR to me. Oh, he’s my GREATEST TREASURE! He’s my GREATEST BLESSING! He’s the best! He’s the greatest! He’s my FANTASTIC GIFT FROM ABOVE! I hope he’ll really know how much he really means to me and how SPECIAL and WONDERFUL he is to me.

I love him, WITH ALL MY HEART! AWESOME, GREAT, FANTASTIC, LOVELY, SUPERB! He’s my everything! LOVE HIM VERY MUCH! He makes me feel loved. And I know it’s a sincere love. I want to be with him all the time. He makes my world a better place. And I appreciate him. I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. So great to know him. May GOD bless him ALL THE TIME!

Hooray! What a wonderful treasure I have found! Will never let go of this treasure! Will treasure him. He has a special place in my heart. I love him FOREVER! FOREVER!

12-12-2006

Turning To Him

Many are so busy, many have their own lives. Only YOU can give me a FOCUSED ATTENTION, JESUS.

"Don’t expect ,what you can’t expect".
I’m expecting something I can expect.
I can’t expect from men but
I know I can expect from JESUS.
Many times I’m down,
many times I’m in rainy days,
many times I feel unloved,
been through many tough and dark times,
got lost so many times too

but thankfully I have a loving shepherd who’s love is so amazing, the only one I can really rely. If only I stop wandering and stick to my shepherd every moment…

04-12-2006

He Is Real

Sometimes I just don’t understand myself, I constantly get distracted by worldly things. Many times I fail to stay focus to God. But one thing I know for sure, I know GOD IS REAL AND JESUS IS REAL. I’ve experienced GOD myself, He spoke to me through men of GOD. I know it was GOD, it was really GOD!
There was one time when I was really sad, really tired of serving someone, and I felt that all my works was only in vain, and in my heart I cried and asked GOD " GOD, are you really watching?"
Then , one Sunday, a Pastor came to my church. His name is Pastor Samuel. When his wife prayed for me , she told me exactly what was happening in my life. It was my first time meeting her and she didn’t know any single thing about me. It was definitely GOD who spoke through her. Man, I was really touched. God did saw my tears. My tears, every single tears that dropped from my eyes were not wasted tears at all. I cried when she told me my thoughts. God does really know everything that I’ve been through. And when I cried , that Pastor’s wife cried with me too. It was as if she know exactly what I was feeling inside. I was really comforted that day.
There was also time when I was feeling really unloved, guilty, and down within. Felt hated by everyone and felt guilty within that I don’t feel worthy to worship God. But God was so great, some of my thoughts were wrong actually. God sent Pastor Vincent to give me words of knowledge. I then realized that God still loves me in spite of who I am. That day I was freed. He knew that all I need was love at that time. See, God knows everything and he has really proven to me that he exists!

And I ‘ve seen how healings and miracles happen through the name of JESUS with my own eyes when I was in Elijah Challenge. No medications were used at that time, only the name of JESUS. I was healed too, I’m not lying. The healings and miracles that I saw during the Elijah Challenge made me really realized that JESUS’ DEATH ON THE CROSS AND HIS RESSURECTION are really POWERFUL.

INDEED JESUS IS REAL! HE IS REALLY GOD!

04-12-2006

Shyness, Please Go Away

Honestly I prefer writing than talking, I prefer sms-sing than talking to people on the phone. I can express my emotions and my thoughts through writing better than talking.
When I love someone it is easier for me to say "I love you" through writing than through talking but you can be sure that I do really mean what I write when I write "I love you". I’m just too shy. But at the same time I do really want to change, I just don’t like these shyness and timidity. If I’m more bold, I can do more great things. Sometimes I feel that this shyness is a stumbling block for me to do many good things. Sometimes it makes people think that I’m proud and have no manners. I just wish that many people will just understand me and help me to come out from this shyness. Help me and don’t past judgement saying "Shy is Pride". That's my most hated statement!

04-12-2006

Reasons To Smile

Last night, I cried because people hurt me with their words. Words are truly powerful. They can sometimes really bring people really down or sometimes can really bring people up. Thankfully after I was really hurt, God sent Pastor Albert Kang to comfort me. He may not realize the great impact he has on me but I really felt it and feeling it even right now as I am typing this. I’m really blessed to have Pastor Albert Kang in my life. I can see a glimpse of God’s love in him. He treated me like how Jesus would. He doesn’t resist any children that come to him but lovingly and with friendliness treat me like his friends. Though there’s obviously a big age gap between us. He treats me as his friend.

Actually ,I was really hurt with the words people threw at me. They said I’m childish, immature and insensitive. I don’t like people to use negative words because that will only turn me to a more negative person. When they said that to me, all I can do was bear the pain and just thought of wonderful things to make me happy. I tried to smile and I successfully did. The things that continuously made me smile when I’m sad are God’s love and God’s loving people. To think of these things is really wonderful. There are reasons why these people are so special to me and made me think of them whenever I feel unloved. I thank God every time I remember them. PASTOR WILLIAM LAU and PASTOR ALBERT KANG are at the top of my list whenever I count my blessings.

Let me start with Pastor William Lau.
I met Pastor William Lau in The Elijah Challenge Seminar and Healing Crusades.
He is a tall and handsome American Chinese married to his beautiful wife, Sister Lucille.
I admired him at first because he was the most handsome pastor I ever saw. And I like his teachings too because it was interesting and easy to understand. I love to hear how he speaks English. So nice and pleasing to hear. But the thing that attracted me to him is he’s so loving, caring and humble. Because I admired him, I asked my sister to buy 2 same books (1 for Caroline and 1 for my family) written by him titled “Dancing on the edge of the Earth”. That book was sold before the healing crusades started.

At the end of the healing crusades, I really wanted to have his autograph. But I was too shy to do that. First I was afraid what he would think of me if I do so. Would he think that I’m making him as my idol? But I reasoned within myself. I would regret if I don’t ask because he’s leaving
Malaysia that night and that would be perhaps the last time I’m going to see him. So I decided to be brave. I carried 3 books (2 books of Dancing on the edge of the earth and another 1 book titled the end time model of evangelism).and I walked towards him. At that time he was still busy actually. He was busy healing people though the service already ended. And he was also busy talking to other pastors. So I waited and hope that those people would finish their talking as soon as possible because I didn’t want to lose the chance to get his autograph.

And finally he finished talking to them and I asked him “Pastor, may I have your autograph?” He smiled to me with a sincere smile and agreed to do so. Wow, that’s wonderful! And even more wonderful he asked what my name is; I told him that my name is Jasmine. And he pronounced my name super perfectly and, and he wrote in the one of the books “For Jasmine” with his autograph too. That’s super great! And I even asked him to sign his autograph on the other two books and he gladly did that for me. I thanked him. And he replied “You are Welcome Jasmine”. I was really happy and I ran to my sisters to tell them that I’ve successfully got the autograph of this Pastor. He did more than I asked him. I was really happy. He’s different from other pastors. There was one incident where I lined up to get an autograph from an anointed Pastor. And I successfully got his autograph but that pastor was fierce looking, he didn’t even look at my face or smiled during that autograph session. Perhaps he was too busy?

So William Lau was to me the most friendliest and loving pastor at that time. I kept in touch with him through emails after he left Malaysia. He responded to all my letters and in his letters he’s still so loving. To me that letters were so special. I never deleted any of them. And I read them so many times. The words in that letter bring me up especially when I’m down. Through this Pastor I’m always reminded that I’m dearly loved by God.

Though he’s mightily used by God, he’s not proud, he’s humble. He has the quality that Jesus has. Jesus is glorious and super powerful yet He’s humble. I saw the same character in Pastor William Lau. He was mightily used by God, but still humble. He took the time to reply to my letters. I even thought before of how nice would it be if I could be his daughter. And later from that, I learned to be grateful that I have God as my Father. God is greater than Pastor William Lau and it’s a privilege to be God’s daughter! At times when I feel unloved I would remember what Pastor William Lau told me. William Lau has indeed added beauty to my life. And the memories of him will stay in my mind forever.

God continually blessed me with loving people. After William Lau left, I got to know another loving, caring and humble pastor. He’s Pastor Albert Kang. Actually I first met him at the Elijah challenge too. But at that time I did not really know him. I got to know him better when he came to my church few times to teach and preach. He’s really funny. All of us church member will laugh during his sermons. None of us will feel sleepy at all. His sermons are interesting all the time. And I look forward to coming to church every time I knows he‘s coming to teach or preach. He taught me the secrets of being happy. He told us the two secrets of happiness are relationship AND achievement. You must have both to guarantee happiness.

This Pastor has taught me many things about valuing people. What I learned from him was that in relationships with people, we should be like Christ. We should be concern about people, tried to make them happy, motivate them and so much more .And he is someone that practices what he preaches. He walks the talk!

Late last night I was I was hurt by people’s words so I typed in my hand phone what I felt within. I told God what I felt. And as I was typing I slowly cried and I started counting my blessings. During that, I thought of Pastor Albert Kang. Yesterday my happiest moment was when he said “Good Bye, Jasmine” to me in mandarin with his nice wide smile before he left from my church for lunch.

So at about
12 o’clock when I was still sobbing I decided to send message to him. I wanted to thank him as soon as possible. I knew it was already late at that time and the fact that it is actually quite rude to send message to people at that time. But I still felt I should do that because I have learned that if we feel like thanking people, we should do it as soon as possible, I felt that if I thank him later then it would be less meaningful. So I decided to thank him by sending him a message. I was still crying at that time. I had a mixture of feelings, feeling of sadness, because of how people hurt me but comforted at the same time because I have nice blessings in this life. I looked really ugly at that time, my small eyes became smaller and swollen…

As I cried I thought of how God blessed me with Pastor Albert again. And I typed what I wanted to tell him. It was the second message I sent him that late night. I apologized and promised him that it would be the last time I’m going to disturb him late at night. Surprisingly, after I finished sending the second message, I received a message from Pastor Albert, a reply of the first message I sent to him. After I read that message, I sobbed even louder, it was not because he scolded me or because I was sadder after receiving that message from him but instead I did that because I was really touched by God through this man of God. He built me up by sending me positive words the time when I needed it the most.

And later another message came in, he told me that I can feel free to message him as much as I like. Wow, God thank you for sending such a man of God who treats me like that. This time I didn’t cry louder but I smiled when I read that message.

God turned my mourning in to dancing .He turned my sorrow into joy. Thank you, God for sending wonderful people in my life. They add beauty to my life. They encourage me. They build me up when I’m down. They put a smile on my face. Words can’t really express how they mean a lot to me.

They appreciate and value me. They are the glimpse of your love. Their love for me is great but I know, I know your love is greater than theirs.
It’s true that we are the only arms that God has to hug His children for we are the body of Christ. I thank God that I have experienced that hug especially in my times of need. my world is a better place because of them.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR PASTOR WILLIAM LAU AND PASTOR ALBERT KANG!

01-10-2006

My 2006 Birthday

I think this year’s birthday is NICEST BIRTHDAY I EVER HAD. I received a lot of gifts and also birthday wishes both from family members and friends. I would like to thank all of them in this blog. Each of them really really brightened my day on that day. Here is the list of their names. To be fair, I list the names according to the time. So the names of those who wished me first appeared first. I do not know how to really express my gratitude but just want to let everyone know that I REALLY appreciate even the smallest act they did to cheer me on my SPECIAL day, THANKS!

Sister Gladys - This sister -in- Christ gave me a very very early birthday present. If I’m not mistaken she gave me in the month of August. It’s not because she doesn’t know my birthday but it’s because she was afraid that she would forget to give me on my birthday. I still gladfully received it.

Kelvin Ng- He wished me at 12 a.m on 7thof September through sms. I thought he forgot when is my real birthday but he told me the next day that actually he set the time in his hand phone wrongly. So he thought that 7th of September was 8th of September.

Papa- My dad bought for me RM 10 Digi prepaid for my birthday but gave it one day earlier. Thanks Papa!

Kelvin Ng -This guy is the first person to wish me on my birthday. He gave a second time birthday wish at 12.01a.m.

Joyce Chia- at 12.03a.m Joyce gave me a birthday wishes. I’m surprised to get a very early birthday wish from Joyce. I didn’t know that she knows my birthday actually. I’m glad that she treated me like I’m one of her closest friends. I really appreciate the birthday wish she gave me. She still took the time to wish me though she needs to prepare for account trial examination that night. Thanks my friend.

Jennifer- This sister is quite funny la. I told her that I don’t like people to call me Ah min (that’s my short name). But later she wished me happy birthday using sms. She sang: happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u, happy birthday to AMIN, happy birthday to u… So jahat la she. Call me AMIN on my SPECIAL day! She also gave me a birthday present. Jenn, thanks for the birthday present. I like it!

Lily -Lily gave me some money on my birthday and apologized that she couldn’t give me a big amount because she’s financially broke. Still, I appreciate this gift because what matters most is actually the condition of the heart!

Pauline - This sister wished me before we came out from house, in the morning. She gave me birthday gift earlier, many days before my birthday. And on my birthday she still gave me sweet. That’s so sweet of her, right?

Pei Yee - in school, Pei Yee is the first to wish me happy birthday. But I think she’s reminded by Joyce to wish me happy birthday. She told me that she wanted to wish me as early as 12 am actually but did not because she was afraid that she would be disturbing me sleeping.

Joyce- Joyce later wished me again happy birthday before we sat for account trial exam paper 2. I was happy because she wished me twice!

Jason Soh- This Jason Soh, did not know when is my birthday, I guess… So I told him that he forgot to wish me happy birthday, while all the account students was in the hall preparing ourselves to sit for our account trial paper 1.so he wished me happy birthday and began to sing like Siti Nurhaliza (just kidding) Quite loudly a birthday song for me. I told him to stop but he still continued singing, and the funny part is at the third line of the birthday song he sang… happy birthday to Jasmine Yap Kim Leng… funny la, calling me my full name!

Sanam - the more the merrier, so I was happy too when Sanam also wished me happy birthday and shook my hand too!

Caroline- When I came back from school I received a birthday wish from Carol, my church member. This added my happiness of course!

Preeshantini - I also received a nice picture message from this primary school friend. I’m glad that she still remembers my birthday! Eventhough we did not keep in touch for a long time since standard 6!

John - this sweet guy also wished me, he gave me a birthday song with a birthday wish also. Thanks, John!

When I went for my physic tuition in Joyce house, I was really touched with what my tuition friends (Joyce, Jananee, Pei Yee, Stanley Siah) did for me, as soon as I entered the house, they started singing happy birthday song for me, the feeling was so nice! I felt so loved, appreciated and cared\~! Jananee later passed me a birthday present. I was kind of surprised to receive that from her. She told me that the gift is from her and Pei Yee to give me. Then I also realized that they also wrote a big happy birthday wish on the white board. My tuition teacher, Mr. Aru saw the birthday wish written there and he too wished me on that day. He said I’m destined for a bright future according to my date of birth. ( AMEN!!!) Thanks for saying that! I also heard that my friends actually planned to buy for me a piece of cake for my birthday but could not because Stanley (our tuition driver friend told them that they will then be late for Mr. Aru tuition if the do so. I was touched and pleased when I know that actually they have the intention to buy for me a piece of cake which I did not expect from them at all. These tuition friends are really nice to me. Thankssss!!! After the tuition finished, all of us went inside Stanley Siah’s car and he sent me home first. B4 I got down from his car, when I finally reached home, all of them wished me happy birthday again!!! At home I opened the gift and saw that it’s a nice branded pink blouse. I decided to wear it to church on Sunday. I felt really nice because I now have a new blouse to wear to church!! Hooray1 and to me this gift is some how grand, my two friends are only form 5 but still they bought for me an expensive birthday gift! The gift also came with a small cute birthday card. Thanks Jananee and Pei Yee. Thanks for taking the effort to buy for me birthday gift. I love it and like it too!!!

Kelvin Mohan - this guy is my pastor’s brother. He called me after I came back from tuition and wished me happy birthday. And also promised to spend me out as a birthday gift for me. He couldn’t spend me out on my birthday because I told him earlier that I’m would be busy preparing for my trial for three weeks. So this guy told me that he owes me 1 MEAL and I could call him anytime whenever I’m free. I’ll definitely remind him to spend me!!!

The last person to wish me on my birthday is my best and pretty friend Julie Yim! I thought she had forgotten about my birthday but thankfully she did not. She called me and wished me and we had a nice long chat that night! After we end the conversation she also send me message wishing me birthday wish.

On the 9th of September, I woke up very late. But when I woke up I received a good news. A postman appeared in front of my house to give a birthday gift. Since I woke up late, it was my sister Lilian who collected it for me. So later when I woke up Lilian quickly gave that present to me. So the first thing I did when I woke up that day is of course opening that special gift. The gift is posted by my friend Kelvin Ng. Thanks friend!

Also, I still received birthday wishes from my sister lilian and my friends, Azim and Fairuz.
Even my future brother in law, Vincent Lee@ chicken rice@burger@ sweet@ my love advisor@ice cream @snoopy gave me a birthday wish! Yes! He called me and then apologized for wishing me late. He later sang for me a birthday song. He has a nice voice but the bad thing about him is at first he wanted to sing for me a ZOO birthday song! Hish!!!But later he sang a proper birthday song for me…

At night, mom came home after a heavy shopping, she traveled by bus and when she reached home her hands was full with heavy things. Later she told me that she bought a piece of cake for me. I’m really thankful and grateful that I have a mother like her. She bought that piece of cake especially for me. She really took the effort to buy for me that cake despite having to carry all other heavy things home by bus. Mama, thank you!

My young nephew Nicholas also sang a birthday song for me when he came to my house that night. He’s so young, clever and sweet. When his mother came to my room, she saw the presents I received from my friends so I told her that my birthday was on 8th of September. She told me that she’d give me a gift next week. So hooray!!! More gifts to be received! Yes! Yes! Later I went online and was glad when I saw birthday testimonials from my friends Jasmine, Kelvin Ng and Julie Yim. Thanks, friends!!!

On 10th of September my future brother in law gave me a gift. The gift is pink in colour and it’s so nice. Actually I had that in my mind. I was hoping for that gift and surprisingly I‘ve got what I wanted. I asked my sister, Pauline was she the one who chose the gift because Vincent bought that for me while she went dating with Pauline. But Pauline said no. She said Vincent is the one who chose the gift for me. Thanks Vincent Kor Kor. But sadly after I received the gift from him I cannot call him chicken rice@ice cream any more…. Because he forced me to promise him, promise to call him Vincent Kor Kor only...

I told my friend Pei Yee in school that my sister’s boy friend bought a gift for me and she said that he’s really good la. So I think this Vincent Kor Kor deserves a big applause! *clap clap* He he!

AGAIN, I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE THAT WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THANKS! THANKS! THANKS!

11-09-2006

Drawing Near To Him

I know I have back slided. I have not progressed spiritually but became worse day by day. Taking God for granted, I admit it. Pleasure seemed more important than my relationship with God. I gratified my sinful nature and did not die to the flesh. I was following my own way and not God’s.

People are like sponge.When they are dipped inside a bowl of water and later squeezed. What would come out out of it? Surely water will come out of it. And so it happened to me too.Mixing with the wrong company of people, hearing those bad words that come from their mouths, listening to the wrong songs, and so on brought impact on how I deal with situations. When I got angry, I uttered those bad words that I heard before. There are times that I didn’t utter it but I was thinking of those words, I was speaking them in my mind. I don’t think God is pleased with that either.

This afternoon, I viewed a christian video clip from the Internet, the title of the song is “Tell The World” by Hillsongs. I saw the worship leader in that video clip was full with passion for God. This led me to repentance. The line in that song “…all I want from this life time is You, You ,You…” touched my heart. I realized that I was far away from God because my desire was not for God but for something else. I have fallen. I have lost my first love for God.
Pleasure and happiness are different. When I was wandering, I filled my life with pleasure but that did not bring happiness to me. But when I was near to God, I can feel a special joy, and that’s happiness.

I know God does not show favoritism. I can have a personal encounter with him too like how Pastor Benjamin had at a young age.
All I need to do is draw near to him, and he will draw near to me….
I’m going to draw near to Him…

12-08-2006